bits and pieces

I am failing at sleep right now. Infuriating for many reasons, including the fact that I just spent a day in a state of total exhaustion. My mind full of nonsense. An email I sent but hours ago to a frustrating hired hand makes me feel what I hope is an unwarranted sense of doom. Other stupid things/people coming out in the wash work wise which feels good but then feels... dirty. Feeling very worn down and prickly with guilt.

Also failing miserably at friendship and correspondence... but that's nothing new.

Failing at ridding myself of whatever it is I so happen to read up on... candida, toxic waste, evil sugar addictions.

Failing to know what I am working towards but working towards it all the while.

this is how i've felt.

My car would be here in 7 minutes as of 4 minutes ago so I am, quite literally, on the home stretch.

I feel a bit raped and pillaged. Mentally, that is. Emotionally, sort of. And that would be because of work.

Nothing really on the horizon to make it all better. But that's not to say hope is lost.

Zzzzz...

Is this possible?

The following is a list of books that Sarah Palin tried to get banned when she was mayor of Wasilla.

This information is taken from the official minutes of the Wasilla Library Board.
Supposedly, when the librarian refused to ban the books, Palin tried to get her fired.

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Blubber by Judy Blume
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Christine by Stephen King
Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Cujo by Stephen King
Curses, Hexes, and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Decameron by Boccaccio
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Fallen Angels by Walter Myers
Fanny Hill (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure) by John Cleland
Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Forever by Judy Blume
Grendel by John Champlin Gardner
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
Have to Go by Robert Munsch
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Impressions edited by Jack Booth
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
It's Okay if You Don't Love Me by Norma Klein
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Love is One of the Choices by Norma Klein
Lysistrata by Aristophanes
More Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
My House by Nikki Giovanni
My Friend Flicka by Mary O'Hara
Night Chills by Dean Koontz
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
One Day in The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women's Health Collective
Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl
Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones by Alvin Schwartz
Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
Separate Peace by John Knowles
Silas Marner by George Eliot
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
The Bastard by John Jakes
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Devil's Alternative by Frederick Forsyth
The Figure in the Shadows by John Bellairs
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Snyder
The Learning Tree by Gordon Parks
The Living Bible by William C. Bower
The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare
The New Teenage Body Book by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
The Seduction of Peter S. by Lawrence Sanders
The Shining by Stephen King
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder
Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff
Witches, Pumpkins, and Grinning Ghosts: The Story of the Halloween Symbols by Edna Barth

words will not allow me to encompass how incredibly touching and powerfully beautiful MAN ON WIRE was.

so many surprises in my life lately...

say it

the long and short of it is that i have been seeing a lot of movies, am generally very boring, and have been inspired to go raw by the unlikeliest of sources: my father.
well, not totally. but the literature has been ordered and i am suddenly inspired to trek to stone barns. nevermind the vitamix.

work has been generally difficult. my attitude might be to blame but attitude is everything.

ho hum.

what a shit week.

simultaneous boredom mixing with a feeling of being totally overwhelmed.

must remember to thank lucky stars once in awhile but.... regardless. everything feels really ugly, sweaty, on sale, and stinky. and i have unresolved anger towards too many things. for example: our icelandic hosts. reason: $300, endless emails.

never got around to painting the radiator covers or repositioning the curtains. typical.

saw wall-e.

trying hard to rid myself of all my foolish catch phrases and also to treat my left knee and right hip with more respect. dear future self, you will be with both wheelchair and walker sooner than you think.

this is a stupid entry.

a black bike

Every once in awhile I geek out.

a black bike

yes!

Today I declare that my life greatly improved all thanks to newly acquired material possessions. I SAID IT.

I'll also take this moment to bask in the glory of the possessions I already own. And I mostly mean my clothes. Because I am entirely shallow. And other things like air conditioning.

Work is done for the week and that is also a very good thing. We just came from watching our dog walker (et al) perform improv. Some of it definitely "blew my mind". And that, by the way, is supposedly a very Nadia phrase. Which I am not entirely proud of.

Other than that, Gordy and I have many terrific plans in store for I-D 08 but it's likely going to rain all weekend as it's been known to do THIS ENTIRE SUMMER. We will all grow amphibious in the wake of global warming.

< 3 'traz.

I have been feeling a little bit sad that I have been so quiet on here. The realities of my situation are that I was all these things: busy, uninspired, without photos, too much to say, too little to say, and a broken Safari. And Safari is the only thing that will do!

Since my last communications, the huz has returned. He is now very professional. But last week we unexpectedly flew to Michigan to attend funeral services of what is now my grandfather in law. If nothing else, I think my fear of death related gatherings has subsided a little bit. Mainly because 8 hours of solid chit chat around a dead body (god rest his soul!) will do that to a person. It was a romantic funeral, as strange as it sounds because he was 90something years old with a wife who still loved him and cried that he was gone. After 70 years of marriage. Beautiful!

Additionally, there have been many more hot days, the renegade craft fair, the rain, the dog bowl, the anniversaries (seven years together and one year legal marriage), a birthday for my beloved, many blockbuster films, newly purchased air conditioning and... so on.

This weekend: the Fourth of July and all the compromises that always come with that.

Creativity at an absolute standstill. I blame the heat. And the fact I am still without fabric. A wife who weeps.

the lone wolf

I have to admit, after a few days I've sort of embraced the so called "single life". There is a certain peacefulness to the whole thing... quiet when I want quiet, bad music when I want bad music, freedom to keep my own schedule, to sleep when I want, eat when I want, make a mess and not clean it up, or start to clean it up at all hours of the night or... in the case of this particular evening, to try on my wedding dress again!!! Whee!

The first realization is that there is a gigantic stain right on the front of it. What would cause such a thing? It's basically rust colored. But primarily on the inner layer of netting which strikes me as being a little mysterious. I am wondering if this is something that just happens to things never cleaned and improperly stored or if it's remnants from the drunken romp that was my wedding night in Mexico.

And the second realization is that I LOOK AWESOME. And if you know me, you know this is a mind boggling statement from yours truly. I have bitched about this dress not fitting me on the day of my wedding for over a year. And I will admit to you right now that up until I arrived in MX, I was eating more carefully, doing the this and the that. And that once I arrived, I ate chips, tacos, guac, queso, beer, margarita, waffle, yadda yadda. On my wedding day in particular I consumed all manner of liquor and saltiness from the moment I awoke... nary a glass of water or sign of physical exertion to speak of. And I paid the price, my friends. Paid it in photos, paid it in regrets, paid it in tears! Oh poor me. Whatever.

Anyway it makes me realize that I ought to romanticize things a little bit more in my memories. Because I am maybe just being negative for no reason other than the finality of it all. But weddings are such a mindfuck. Let's face it.

Meanwhile, a good friend is getting married in August. That's partially why the ol' dress and all its mental and emotional implications have come out of the closet. But I am looking forward to this wedding. Just last night I finally found shoes to wear with my bright yellow bridesmaid dress. And blah blah blah.... Weddings!

In other news, work almost killed me today. And then ended on an unexpected upswing circa 10pm. Two shoots tomorrow, tons of work to catch up on, still not sewing at all.....

TGIF.